Weird stuff has been happening around town lately. That’s not unusual, but with a vacuum left behind by escaped livestock, most of the latest shenanigans are not suitable for work. So, you know, if you don’t want to hear about someone leaving sex toys around town or extremist groups posting signs, you may want to skip to a different column — maybe one where I talk about volunteerism or something more family-friendly.
Some sort of deranged Santa has been littering Route 190 with sex toys, and it didn’t take long for observant residents to snap pictures and post them to local Facebook groups. (I’ll spare you those, just in case impressionable children have suddenly started reading local news, but they are worth laughing at with a friend!) While some might find the joke distasteful, it’s certainly better than what the West End of Hartford residents have to deal with. Locals in that neighborhood often find themselves contending with human turds on their cars. Someone in Middletown is also smearing feces on cars. (Honestly, you’d be surprised how common this is. A quick Google search suggests Akron, Ohio, is absolutely plagued!)
Anyway, let’s get back to the matter at hand. My texts are filled with hilarious messages from local friends giggling over the juvenile stunt. Potential names for Stafford’s serial sex toy bandit — “The Bone Ranger” is a leading contender from a friend with a unique talent for catchphrases — have also been making the rounds. Before we officially choose a moniker for our low-stakes vandal, though, we must establish that this isn’t just someone passing through town leaving a trail of sex toys behind them. There’s no point in wasting a perfectly good nickname on a flash in the pan. So, you know, I’m waiting for more evidence before I declare an official media-friendly name for our local litterer.
On a much darker note, signs from the Patriot Front found their way onto at least one pole in town. A post in a Facebook group originally reported that it said, “Deport Immigrants,” and had been posted on a utility pole on the corner near Sara Mart. Someone else who wanted to debate the exact language later posted a picture of the sign, which said, “Deport Invaders.” (The inaccurate use of the word “invader” suggests they could use a copyeditor.) Another resident reportedly took action and pulled the sign down.
According to the Anti-Defamation League, The Patriot Front is a white supremacist group that calls for American Fascism. For some reason, they seem to think fascism would represent a “return to the traditions and virtues of our forefathers.” (I don’t know about you, but my grandparents, who lived through WWII and, in some cases, fought in that and other wars, would like to have a chat about the perils of fascism.) One has to wonder what mental gymnastics are required to overlook that the "forefathers" explicitly opted for Democracy (something the Patriot Front seems to think has failed us), but I won’t pretend that I’m surprised.
What is fascism?
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary: a populist political philosophy, movement, or regime (such as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual, that is associated with a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, and that is characterized by severe economic and social regimentation and by forcible suppression of opposition
Now and then, you hear a news story about these signs popping up in one town or another, and it's never entirely clear who put them there. So, I wonder if anyone in that area has a surveillance camera that captured someone putting up the signs. I know it’s a long shot, but at the very least, it might tell us whether we have a local promoting this group or if, as our Secret Santa may be, the person is just a passerby.